things i have learned this week that don't really matter because i'm a retard...

DRINKING is a fickle bitch of an asshole. yes i've learned this a number of times before, but THIS time i REALLY learned a lesson. and that lesson is... 1 gallon of 90proof whiskey in one fucking day is damn near one of the most retarded things a 31 year old dude can do... for real, i'm talking barf fucking city with a side of dry heaves and chunky fucking grossness like you wouldn't fucking believe. so in short, i'm gonna try to NEVER do that again... EVER.

10 things in no order that are pissing me off right now!

1) Lady Gaga, she's fuckin ugly with real bad music. sure, i'd fuck her but i aint too choosy on things like that, and before i die i want to fuck a celebrity.

2) Harry Potter vs Twilight, like i said before BOTH totally fuckin gay.

3) it aint July 9th yet... wanna see PREDATORS SOOOO BAD

4) the fact i can't fucking find my Aliens Omnibus #6. where the fuck is it? i don't know, nobody knows.

5) Ringo Star, that guys music fucking BLOWS and i don't give a shit what no one says. pshhh he makes it to 70 and like good celebrities die? fuck that shit.

6) modern rap. i really don't need to explain myself on this... it's fuckin BAD

7)the fact that there are always a zillion little mexican kids in the fucking pool. no one wants to fucking swim in mexican pee... NO ONE!

8) Star Wars. YES i'm a HUGE star wars fan, but as of late it's just REALLY letting me down. from the cancellation of Legacy, to the fact the are making a Force Unleashed 2, and the gayness that is The Old Republic.

9) PEOPLE... pretty much everyone

10) Muslims and Mormons... really because i just don't like them people.

11) YOUR FACE@!

been a while still alive... and this is why british faggy wizards, and sparkley vampires suck.

WOOT i forgot my password because i'm a complete and total retard sometimes, but i'm back. anyway life has been handing out shit-sandwiches, and i've been eating my share lately, but really who doesn't right?

so enough about me, and on to my rant. what the fuck is the big deal about Harry Potter, and Twilight? really? and why do one another's fans hate the other ones so much? i mean really? they are both gay ass fucking retarded kids books turned into even worse fucking movies. i just fucking love it when one fans is like "oh Twilight is sooo much better", "no way Harry Potter is"... you know what, BOTH fucking suck you lamewad asscracks... and with that being said, you know what WONT suck? Predators... just sayin. that shit looks rad as fuck.

Space Marines are fuckin AWESOME...

like for real. so anyway as you know i am reading 40k books. i have come to the conclusion that Space Marines are rad as fucking shit. first off they are living breathing weapons that stand taller than most humans. they are immortal, kinda like highlanders without the zappy lightning stuff, and the only way they can die if if you kill them, old age means nothing to these dudes. they are insanely loyal to their emperor, the almighty emperor of humanity, spreading his good word, killing heretics, and aliens and shit. and last but not least their aromor is the god damn fucking ballz man. it's all powered up, and virtually indestructible, they are like god damn walking tanks... total destruction on legs. so yea Space Marines rule.

sundays... days off... and no booze.

i must admit that even though i feel great not drinking, i do miss it a bit. that's not to say i'm gonna just run out and get loaded, cuz i aint... so what should i do with my time today? i have no x-box so no video gaming... hmmmm. mayhaps i will read a whole bunch and watch a kick ass movie? or masturbate all day? who knows....


blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i don't even know what to say today... so yea gonna read my 40k book, and Grim Jack and totally relax.

new addiction... and lisps

so since i stopped drinking and all i find myself needing a new "addiction", and as of right now it's the 40K universe. what first started off as a table top game of miniature's has expanded into some gnarly ass future war books.

set in the year 40,000 a mighty fucked up future of war exists all sorts of rad bad ass shit like Space Marines, Chaos Space Marines (evil ones), Orks, Necrons (undead robot dudes) Eldar (space elves)... shit's just so simple, bloody, and rad as fuck. so yea that's what i'm all in to at the moment...


oh and why the fuck does the dude, and lady that live behind me have to be so fucking loud... gahhh his lispy voice makes me want to punch him... that is all.

to hell with thee... stupid xbox.

first off i LOVE my xbox 360, i'm just in mourning right now, fuckin "red rings of death". but hey it IS a first gen 360, so it guess it had a good run. the really shitty shitttty part is i JUST bought Dragon Age Origins expansion pack, and i'm all enjoying it and BLAMO out it goes... gahhhhhhh. welp time for a list of things i HATE

RED RINGS OF DEATH

people who take themselves too seriously

not being able to play my fucking video game

people that are mean to animals

romance movies

not being able to find a book i want

your face

RED RINGS OF DEATH

gahhhh soooo fucking pissed right now mr. blog.

a list of things that dont suck...

welp, i'm bored so i'm gonna list off some things i like...

star wars

comic books LOTS AND LOTS of them

Warhammer 40k

Conan the Cimmerian

Grim Jack

Batman

Joker

Superman

Sushi

Hitman (dc comic guy, not the faggy computer game dude)

egg salad

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Aliens

Predator

21 Jump Street

hot lesbian porn

me....

really i like alot of shit, it's kind of amazing really since i say i hate everything.
anywho still sober, and happy zombie jesus day you fucks.

saturday morning cartoons oh how i miss thee.

fuckin really, whatever happened to quality awesome ass saturday morning cartoons? i was watching Smurfs and the Magic Flute last night and it got me thinking how fuckin lucky i am to have grown up when i did. all kids these days have are these super bright and flashy shit shows (except sponge bob, flap jack, samurai jack and a few others). i mean shit, i had fuckin TURBO TEEN. fuckin A' a kid that turns into a red hot rod, and does stuff, now that shit was cool. hell i remember basing my WHOLE week on saturday morning, and what i was gonna watch and not watch... i guess what i'm saying is, i REALLY miss good ol 80's saturday mornings with a bowl of nintendo cereal, my rad Star Wars blanket and cartoons up til that stupid show that tried to teach you lessons came on... then outside to play.


here's to you saturday morning cartoons, you are sorely missed.

PS still sober.

i fuckin HATE monkeys... for real.

no lie, i want to kill them all...

ever since i watched Planet of the Apes starring the greatest human to ever walk this green earth, the one and only Charlton Heston, cute little monkeys just haven't been the same for me. every single time i see one on TV, or a zoo or anywhere else i just want to shoot it. i fuckin know they are plotting our demise, and they hide it behind cuteness, and little "eep eep's" and "oop opp's". fuckers KNOW what's going on, and we are too mesmerized by their "charm" to realize these little fuckers are going to enslave us one day very soon.

so here is my three part plan to rid ourselves of our future conquerors.

1) round up every single ape, every single kind, baby or adult

2) LOTS of gasoline, and other flammable liquids

3) marshmallows, and monkey meat for dinner.

so that's it. you guys can go on loving these cute little fuckers that will one day enslave every single one of us, but as for me i'm prepared for what will ultimately come. don't say i didn't warn you.

Archie Bunker made me do it...

so as i sit here next to Rachel watching All in the Family, it got me thinking about things... life, love, Boba Fett... all sorts of shit.

so first off, i drank the day after i said i wouldn't drink... but have been sober since. why the fucking fuck is stopping drinking so hard? it fucking fucks shit up for me, it makes me something awful. i mean i'm a nice enough person but damn does it fuck me up, makes me well NOT me. so i got myself some self help like samurai books, and ma gonna be taking this soooo mega seriously.

all that being said i got myself a Boba Fett omnibus, Hitman by Garth Ennis so now it's time to sit back and reflect on things that are good, and not so good in my life... change is a coming.

barfin in the boys room...

"you're killing yourself, i heard you puking last night" says Rachel... let me tell you something about me dear readers, i drink and when i drink, i drink alot. not like a 6 pack of Bud alot, i'm talking a whole bottle of 100 proof whiskey alot, and in one sitting. this has to stop.

right now i feel like total shit, so it's easy to do what many a drunk has done before me, "i'm quittin, i aint touchin da stuff no more, i'm on da wagon", so i'm not gonna say that. what i am gonna say is i'm making a deal with myself to better myself. this just can NOT go on anymore. i mean shit my girls mom died of drinking, and i saw that. it wasn't pretty, as a matter of fact it was quite horrifying. i can not let that be me.

... done for now, let's just call this day 1 of Joe's sobriety.

hmmm 2010 and 31 years of complete stupidness...

... and so i did it, i fuckin joined the "new age", the fuckin "space revolution", the whatever the hell you want to call it when some slightly overweight guy sits down and types words that he thinks others should read into some sort of lame ass blog format....

ok let me tell you folks a bit about myself for the first blog i guess. i'm 31' and i like TOYS, and not just like sex toys either, but you know Ninja Turtles, and Superman and whatnot's. i have a fairly big c*%$k (no i don't), but comic collection anyway. and i LOVE to bitch about shit, as you the reader will soon find out... and i mean anything, i'll fuckin bitch about it. i love video games, and bitching about video games. oh and i have rad sideburns. i feel i should just get that out there right now, i don't give a shit what you do in your life, my sideburns are better than your, it's fact....


anwho enough about me for now, and since this was a spur of the moment sort of thing to start this fucker, i shalt blog more on the morrow.